Articles: Reminiscences - Faith the tranforming power

It is interesting to review old thoughts and beliefs in one’s life. There are ups and downs. It is like looking at a landscape from within and recognizing some familiar spots, while some others are still unknown, not yet having come to the surface. They are in the shadow, according to Freudian psychology ‘suppressed’, because they are too painful for one to face.

Nonetheless, whether painful or not, if one wants to face the truth, it is necessary to acknowledge that they are there[1], lest one day we will regret not having done anything about it.

At the present, however, I will deal, not with the undisclosed remote areas of my memory, but rather with what comes up in my recollections that I have been storing for the last forty years of my spiritual life.

What follows is a recollection of my intellectual and spiritual life, as a Christian and with the faith I have been given by God. To be accurate, since my conversion, my intellectual side has never been dissociated from the spiritual part of my life, because there are interconnected in a symbiotic bond, as water is with earth.

In my life two factors are constantly interacting: the mind, and faith that correspond, maintaining the presence of the Spirit within me, which is yet transforming my life for the better; whence my Christian spirituality arises.

When I was in my mid-twenties I thought I knew a lot about life, but alas, I did not know how little I knew or how to find out for that matter.

I had had some travel experience, knew how to go about making a living, how talk to people and so on. At the time, I was able to make myself understood in three languages - Italian, French and English. However, I knew almost nothing about religion and the doctrine of the Catholic Church, although I was born Catholic. I knew even less about politics, economics, or social and cultural issues. Besides, I grew up in a completely irreligious and secular environment.

Nowadays, in our secular society, it is fashionable to talk about our experiences, how important is to have this or that experience, how one feels about this or that; or how to relate one’s experiences to one’s neighbor’s. For most people this is very important, for it seems that experiencing takes the place of knowing.

But how central and to what effect is all this for one’s life? I hope we will see it as this writing proceeds.

Regardless of how many times I have told this story, I never tire of telling it, because it is true.

Forty years ago, eight thousand kilometres from my Italian home, God called me to follow His Son Jesus Christ, and I have never looked back since that day.

From this time on, I thought I knew the things I ought to know for what I intended to do with my own life, and from now on everything else became less important. I do not intend to recount my life-story. I have already done that[2]. Rather, I will focus on some salient points of my life, during which some noteworthy changes occurred, and highlight them.

From the time of my conversion, my little understanding of things, and what happened round me, stemmed for want of better knowledge, most of which was inured in me by education and the media. In spite of that, thanks to my new faith, I was, to some extent, able to see everything under a new light. Not only that, but a new dynamism came to my life and helped me to overcome many thorny events.

Faith

In not a few instances people used to say: “Nadir, you have had a lot of experience in your life”. That may be so, for experience supplied me for what I lacked in knowledge. However, as I discovered only later, without the faith in Jesus Christ, I would have never withstood the years of turmoil, pain, suffering and doubts that were to come.

To me faith is the beacon of light and the ultimate force in my life, for without it, there would only have been decay and disaster ahead. By then, my mind was full of religious and intellectual notions. Some of these were hard to digest, some were sterile and some quite fruitful, because of my faith, for it was this and nothing else, which gave meaning and understanding and from which my Christian spirituality arose.

My Christian spirituality stemmed from study, prayer and meditation. Therefore, I see spirituality, even at this early stage, the fruit of a mind that formerly had received the faith, and thus engaged with God’s work[3].

Alas, ten years later, I found myself in a real quandary for, like a painter who no longer has a canvas. I was lost. In other words, I was going through an identity crisis. Because I did not know what to do with myself, I finally ended up here in Australia, starting afresh. That was twenty-five years ago.

Before answering this question, allow me to explain. Looking back now, as I perceive it, having this religious experience was the greatest thing that could ever happen in my life. However, what I did not know at the time, was that was only the starting point. And what was keep in store for me, apart from the ups and downs, were few valuable pearls, i.e., the attainment of a progressive perception and a transforming understanding on many levels of my life, as well as a better knowledge about God, from which sprang a really deep spiritual life, which nourishes me to the present day.

Now, to answer the question, what actually happened? I’ll illustrate it as follows.

From the beginning of my forty year journey, my mind was not well formed as yet [“for want of better knowledge”]. I repeat: Yes, I had an amazing religious experience, but I had not the right knowledge[4] of things, nor was Jesus Christ part of the big picture as yet. My mind had been gradually formed by notions stemming from biblical, theological, and human science studies, but I was unable to situate them within the reality of everyday life. I fell short on that level and failed despondently.

At this stage, my mind was going around in circles. I had lost my peace. I still kept my faith[5] in Jesus Christ, but I felt totally inadequate to communicate it to any one, let alone to unbelievers. All sorts of doubts assailed me. I broke my promises[6] with God. Hence, I knew that I had to take a drastic decision: I said this to myself, ‘If I allow myself to be captive any longer of this devilish depression, I’ll surely go mad. I have to get out of this prison and start a new life somewhere else, where I can breathe fresh air’. And that was that.

I did not know then that I was deep entrapped by modernist [read liberal] ideas, especially New Age philosophy. Also I believed in the evolution, which I only later discovered to be nefarious, and insidious to the minds of young people, and to anyone for that matter, because it takes God out of their lives with calamitous consequences.

“Socialism means equality of income or nothing…Under Socialism you would not be allowed to be poor. You would be forcibly fed, clothed, lodged, taught and employed whether you like or not. If it were discovered that you had not character and industry enough to be worth all this trouble, you might possibly be executed in a kindly manner; but while you were permitted to live, you would have to live well.” Bernard Shaw

Now some twelve years later, I became inquisitive about a new (for me) issue, namely politics. I discovered the evil of Socialism, Communism and other isms that are the corollary of the former. As well as that, and indirectly, I started to look at the Catholic Church through a new set of glasses. I discovered that, since Vatican II, the Catholic Church has been taken over by Modernism [another offshoot of Communist philosophy].

With this new outlook, my belief in the Person of our Lord Jesus Christ became even stronger, seeing Him under a different light.

Henceforth, my knowledge on various matters grew exponentially. My faith and love for the Lord and His Church - apart from my family of course - were everything that mattered to me, on both intellectual and spiritual levels.

“The theory of evolution itself is a theory universally accepted, not because it can be proved, …but because the only alternative is special creation, which is clearly incredible”.

As I said, there was still a colossal blockage in my understanding, which impeded me from acquiring the whole picture and so acting accordingly. This blockage was my belief in Evolution, or rather in Darwinism, as fact rather than as a theory.

As many Catholic people nowadays, I thought that it was normal to believe that: “although God created everything, creation is still unfolding through the perpetual act of its Creator over millions or billions of years and, and by quantum leaps, it changes from inanimate matter, to animal… to human species”. In other words, I believed in theistic evolution.

From the 1990s to the present day, however, many pieces of the puzzle came together as in a big canvas. The big picture is now there in front of me, and many things - indefinite to me before, as ‘dark spots’ - became clear and are now part of my daily life.

Having a religious experience is good, but not good enough to acquire the right knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ. Certainly, the mind has to be informed by what is appropriate to it and by what is necessary for making an honest living. On the other hand, acquiring the knowledge of truth is even better and praiseworthy. A mind needs to be enlightened by the truth, in order to acquire knowledge and understanding. Knowledge is acquired through study and experience in life. However, true Knowledge is the produce of Christian Faith [and no other] that enlightens the mind, and from which stems Christian spirituality.

[1] This is a provisory note to be reviewed later on: “To acknowledge them” means to admit that we are sinners.

[2] See: Autobiography, www.sheddinglight.info

[3] By God’s work, the author means acquiring knowledge and right understanding of the divine truths, and doing His will, in whatever circumstances or how difficult that might be.

[4] See: 1 Tim 2: 4; cfr. John 8: 32.

[5] The author sees Faith as going through three stages: 1) Sacramental faith, through Baptism; 2) childhood and formal faith; 3) ever growing personal and adult faith to the end of life.

[6] As a religious, the author had made vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, and kept them for a period of nine years.