Introduction

This is a piece of apologetic work in relation to the autobiographical book Riza had published about a year or so ago. All the names are fictional - to protect the anonymity of the persons involved in the story - everything else is based on real facts and places.

I

“This Riza is no saint, is he? What do you think of him, Rose?” said Ted to his wife one morning, holding a book that he was reading.

“I can’t say that I like him; he’s not my type,” Rose replied.

“I only read some parts of his book, for I couldn’t stand it.”

“Do you believe his conversion in Africa was genuine?” Ted asked.

“I don’t know. What do you think?” Rose replied.

“I think the guy’s a phony,” he said with some antipathy in his voice.

“Why?” she asked, and without waiting for an answer she continued, “Ah! I see what you mean…All those affairs.”

“Yes, that’s what I mean, Rose,” Ted said; then stood up and threw the book down on the lounge in a gesture that indicated he’d had enough of it. “And to think that we gave him and Tess hospitality in our home… I really thought we were having traditional Catholic people here with us! Not any more; I don’t think they are, actually.”

“Do you think that his wife is a fake too?” Rose asked him.

“No… maybe not; I don’t think she’s as bad as him,” he answered. “What I mean is that after reading his book, in conscience I cannot say that he is a good example of a first-rate Catholic.”

This conversation went on between husband and wife, and this happened less than a year ago. That was when Riza and Tess decided to re-establish themselves in the Hunter Valley after spending about ten long years in northern NSW.

Riza thought that the choice to live in a new area and in a new Catholic environment would perhaps make their life, as a married couple, more meaningful. Nothing of the sort, for if the Catholic people they had associated with before were bad enough, now the situation was even worse.

The question that may arise is: what is the matter with them, or more specifically with Riza? What is all this about?

Precisely, it is about the book Riza wrote. This book, “He Called Me by My Name,” is the story of Riza’s life. First, however, we should clarify one point. The book was not written for a wide audience, but for his three children as a keepsake. However because of the many details in it concerning his misconduct as a Catholic – after his conversion – some people, traditional Catholics in particular, are disconcerted, if not altogether scandalized.

But why are they scandalized reading the book?

Examination of the book

A closer scrutiny of this book might help the reader to understand the reason why some people are so disappointed or confused in reading it.

For this purpose, the reader is introduced to a team of three people: Martha, a mother of six children and a conservative Catholic; Joe, a doctor and a liberal Catholic; and Thomas, a non believing lawyer.

After the preliminaries about the content, the message [if there was any], and the literary genre of the book under discussion, three main points stand out along with a question: Can we judge the author by his writing?

1- The book comes under the nonfiction category - it’s a autobiography;

2- The book is in a readable English, and recommended for a mature reader only;

3- The book might offend some sensitive reader with a Catholic faith background, because of its scabrousness.

Martha: “We all agree that Riza’s autobiography won’t reach a vast audience, because of its religious content, which on my part, I found rather objectionable. My first question is, would you recommend it to a friend or a relative of yours? Second, would you give it to one of your children to read?”

Thomas: “We went through all that before. We reached the conclusion that Riza’s autobiography is a readable book, though for a restricted readership. As you all know, I am not a religious person. However, I don’t see why anybody who is interested in that type of reading, I would not recommend it.”

Joe: “I’ve known Riza for some time now. I think he is a very principled person; a bit too much sometimes for my liking. But this is beside the point we are trying to make here. So to answer Martha’s questions; no, I would not recommend Riza’s book to anybody. I say this not because it shocked me– nothing shocks me these days – but because of some contradictions in it, which are bewildering to an uneducated mind.”

Thomas: “Which part of the book are you referring to?”

Joe: “I am referring to his ‘self-indulgence’ and accounts of love affairs with women wherever he met them.”

Martha: “That is exactly my point. How could a religious fellow like himself have done all that?”

Thomas: “Sorry to interrupt you. But we should not forget Riza’s ‘self-indulgence’, if I may say so, appeared in his story only after he abandoned his religious status – he was no longer bound by his three religious vows of chastity, poverty and obedience. In other words, he was a free man.”

Martha: “That is a nice way to put it: ‘He was a free man.’ Free for what? To make up for what he couldn’t do while he was still a member of a Secular Institute? Moreover, it seems to me that Riza in his latter conduct shows exactly what he was before his conversion, a ‘loose cannon,’ no more, no less.”

Thomas: “That is a hard judgment on the guy.”

Martha: “Hard on him…I don’t think so, Thomas. Here we come now to the question: ‘Can we judge Riza by what he has written in his autobiography?’ My answer is, yes we can. What is your answer to that?”

Joe: “As for myself, I tend to agree with most of what Martha has said here. However, I prefer to take a less harsh position on Riza. We cannot judge him outright. I agree that his book is not everybody’s cup of tea. Some might like it; even so, some distinction has to be made. One thing is his writing and the other is the guy himself. These are two different things. Don’t you agree?”

Thomas: “In substance, Joe, you are saying that we cannot judge Riza solely by what he has written in his book.”

Joe: “Yes, that is my position.”

Martha: “If this is your position, I would suggest to conclude this sitting by asking Riza what he has to say himself.”

II

Riza, so far had not said a word in his own defense. He sat quietly and listened to the debate with resignation. He was asked by the panel of three to make a comment in relation to his book and what has been said about it.

Riza: “Thanks for giving me the floor and the opportunity to defend myself from some accusations coming - if not directly from this committee - from some Catholic people who think that I’m a fake for what I have written in my autobiography. Also I’ve listened and, I think, understood everything you have said. I accept all that with an open mind, albeit hard to take, as it appeared to me from the start.

“It’s true that some of the content of my book at least might offend the sensibilities of some people. I knew when I started writing that some ‘well-meaning’ person might be scandalized by what I had to say. Nonetheless, that did not hinder me from writing it down. Why not, you might ask? Because telling the truth about oneself is not easy and when it’s done many people don’t like it… it offends their sensitivity, their self-image, or their emotional state.

“Had I been more careful, more circumspect, in my writing, I would have ended up with a sugarcoated story rather than a portrait of myself. That is not me. I have written what I have written, because it is the truth and nothing else but the truth.

"Yes, I admit, there is in my story some misconduct, inappropriate behavior for a good Catholic. But what is a good Catholic anyway? There are as many definitions about what makes a good Catholic, as there are Catholics today.

"My own definition of a good Catholic is: any individual who professes the Catholic faith and acts up on it, according to the best of his ability [and with a well informed-conscience, of course].

“So where do I stand on all this? Does this definition of a ‘good Catholic’ reflect the personality of the author here present? I cannot give a direct answer to that. I didn’t write the book in order to justify my behavior; but rather to tell the truth about myself and how God saved me [and He is still doing it, for His saving power is over me, right at this present moment], from the abyss of sin I was in.

"Not only did God save me from the deep hole I was in; but all throughout my failings and shortcomings, He never abandoned me once.

"My life story would be totally irrelevant, had it not been for God, the Father of my Lord Jesus Christ, the real Author of my life and who rescued me from myself [for I reckon my first enemy to be in guard against is myself] and the devil, of course.

Conclusion

To conclude, Wisdom teaches that ”God writes straight with crooked lines”. I have to say, my book is not as much the story of Riza’s life, but more the story of how God intervened in my whole life from the beginning to the present time. Thus my book is not mine to be told, after all, but it’s God’s book, the unwritten one - the one that has to be proclaimed to the world, for His compassion, Fatherly love and mercy for his creatures is boundless and infinite.

Amen

Contact: nadir@sheddinglight.info

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